


When the Music Fades

by LenoraLana



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:46:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24966187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LenoraLana/pseuds/LenoraLana
Summary: Joel's ghost helps Ellie to realize why she cannot go through with killing Abby. Then he visits her one last time in the empty farmhouse when she returns home.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 50





	When the Music Fades

_ Why the fuck are you letting her go? _

Ellie felt herself crumble as her knees turned into jelly. A flash of searing hot pain ignited in her side as the puncture wound from the tree made itself felt yet again.

The sight of her own blood had triggered the memory of Joel’s broken and bloodied form once again. That was the whole reason she’d come this far, to the point of ditching Dina and J.J. and slaughtering anything that got in her way, whether it be Infected, dogs, or human beings.

She had to keep her promise to Tommy and to herself. It was the only cure for the hatred and the only thing that would lay Joel’s memory to rest.

The emotions that paralyzed her quickly gave way to an adrenaline burst as the rage burst forth within her veins, giving her the strength to stagger through the ankle-deep water toward Abby, who was already pushing her boat into deeper water with her sole companion inside. Ellie pressed forward, wading deeper as she fought to catch up.

What had she possibly been thinking, in letting her go? The girl she had cut down from the pole was definitely a different Abby, a far pry from the confident and muscular badass who’d beaten Joel to death with a golf club. She had been beaten and broken herself, left for dead…

Ellie had vowed she would get to Abby first, that these assholes would not have her. They could deny her the satisfaction of killing Abby herself and they hadn’t. Now, Ellie would have her chance.

She grabbed Abby and threw her down into the water, instigating a fight. The old Abby would have been up in an instant with fists flying, or probably wouldn’t have let Ellie get close enough to do that in the first place. But  _ this _ Abby…

This Abby was a broken and damaged shell of what had once existed. When she looked up at Ellie, there was no trace of fierceness or hatred in her eyes. Abby was hardly defeated, she just wanted to get out of there with her friend. “I’m not going to fight you,” she declared as she pushed herself up out of the water.

Ellie took a knife and held it to the young boy’s throat. “Yes, you will, or I’ll kill him!”

“No!” Abby shouted. “He’s not involved with this!”

“You  _ made _ him involved!” Ellie retorted, holding the knife blade steady at the younger person’s jugular and windpipe. It would only take one thrust, one slash, to slice open those vital places on the neck to give the one person Abby cared about most an irreparable death wound…

“Okay!” Abby agreed. “Okay.”

The young man remained unconscious, oblivious to how his life had been threatened moments ago or the death match that now took place so close to him.

Ellie became a flurry of movement, driven by rage and unrequited vengeance. Abby responded in kind, driven only by a desire to protect her friend and get out of there alive. It was soon impossible to tell how many times either of them knocked the other down or how many kicks or punches were doled out.

The only thing that gave Abby a slight advantage at one point was that Ellie’s blind rage made her careless. Abby managed to kick a sensitive area, where the puncture wound was located, then sank her teeth into Ellie’s fingers when her opponent reached for her neck. Blood that wasn’t her own filled Abby’s mouth, her tongue pricked by splinters of bone.

The two of them continued to hit, kick and wrestle with each other until Ellie finally managed to get the upper hand. Abby was weaker, due to severe dehydration, starvation and borderline heat exhaustion. Ellie gripped her throat and squeezed…   
  
...And squeezed…

_ And squeezed. _

Ellie barely even noticed the agony as her broken fingers screamed at her. It was the best feeling in the world to have her hands finally around Abby’s throat at long last. Ellie kept her knee jabbed into her enemy’s chest, keeping her pinned down as she held Abby’s head completely underwater.

This felt so good. Abby’s arms flailed about briefly but soon ceased into mild splashing and twitching. Ellie’s teeth remained gritted in a feral expression even as the thrill of bloodlust made her grip tighter. She could feel the pulsing veins, the squeezing of the windpipe…

Ellie was, at last, dominant over this fucking bitch and  _ winning. _ She had power over Abby now when she had been powerless to stop her from hurting Joel. It felt so good, so satisfying, to have her squirming and thrashing, especially when the girl’s movements gradually decreased. She was losing her ability to fight. She was  _ drowning. _

A different flash of memory intruded its way into Ellie’s mind.

It wasn’t the same image of Joel’s broken and bloodied body. It was just him sitting there in his favorite chair, outside on the front deck of his house, playing his guitar. She could feel his eyes on her as though his ghost was watching her from afar.

_ Ellie, what are you doing? _

Her fingers slipped just a little, allowing Abby to get her nose above water. In her mind’s eye, she could see Joel moving his hands away from the guitar, giving her his full attention.

_ Ellie, I’ve always tried to be there for you… to protect you… look what you gave up trying to avenge me when I’m not even there anymore. What have you become, Ellie? _

Abby’s face burst from the water, gasping and rasping, as Ellie’s hands suddenly pulled away. Ellie took a step back, swaying off-balance as she put some space between herself and her opponent.

There was still a chance to kill the girl… she just had to take it. But to what end? 

She could feel Joel’s eyes looking down on her from the heavens with disappointment and sadness.  _ You came all this way. You already saved Abby and her friend by cutting them down… they would have died anyway if you hadn’t left your family to go after her, Ellie. _

“Just… just  _ go. _ ” Ellie snapped.

Abby didn’t have to be told twice. She hopped into the boat, still rubbing her throat as she began to ride away. She glanced over her shoulder one final time at Ellie, but Ellie did nothing but plop down in the middle of the water, sedated.

_ Why, Joel? Why? _

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

It was a long journey back to the house.

When Ellie finally arrived, she wasn’t sure what she had hoped for or expected. Maybe she had thought that Dina hadn’t really meant what she said. That her wife would still be there, ready to embrace her with open arms, welcome her back and help her tend to her injuries.

They could still be a family again… couldn’t they?

There was no sign of Dina anywhere, that became more evident as Ellie entered a darkened house. Everything was gone and it was clear that no one had been here for a while. Dina had taken everything, including all of the baby’s things…  _ everything. _

Or had she?

The baby’s room was indeed empty, but the bed that she and Dina had once shared had a set of neatly folded items including a bedsheet, pillowcase and blanket. Clearly Dina had left her something, in case she returned and still wanted to do  _ something _ with the house...

Ellie slowly went upstairs to find the guitar case containing the one remaining thing she had from Joel in the middle of the floor. A small stack of records were resting on top of it, including one that she and Dina used to dance to.

Gently moving the records aside, Ellie opened the guitar case and took it out with the same tenderness she would have used when lifting J.J.. She sat near the window and began to strum it, feeling her fingers moving naturally into their practiced positions…

Only this time, something was wrong.

She couldn’t play with only three fingers on one hand. She felt the digits trying to stretch, to compensate even as they stung and protested, but it just didn’t work. She could no longer play the song that Joel once taught her… the one she’d hoped to pass down to J.J. one day.

Once again, she caught a glimpse of Joel in her mind’s eye.

He was sitting next to her, during one of their lessons. Only this time it was different, because he was looking down at her with a look of deep sadness and light disapproval.

“How did this happen?” He gently took her hand, mindful not to touch the injured spots. “Was it Infected? Did one of them bite you?” Joel wasn’t concerned about her being infected, of course, but he didn’t like seeing his adopted daughter hurt so badly.

“No,” Ellie whispered, gulping. “This happened when I was trying to kill Abby, because she killed you.”

Joel shook his head, then wrapped his arm around her in a fatherly hug. “Did Tommy put you up to this?”

“All he did was remind me of my promise. He couldn’t go after her himself.”

“If I was still alive I’d slug him in the jaw,” Joel growled. “Ellie, why did you have to sink this low? If I’d wasted all my time trying to go after everyone responsible for killing Sarah, I wouldn’t have had anything. We wouldn’t have had the memories together we had.”

“We could have had more. I was going to start trying to forgive you, Joel… Abby took that away.”

“You still had Dina and a baby to raise. I would’ve loved to know I had a grandson who would know some of my jokes through you… and would one day play the guitar…” Joel gave her a meaningful look.

“...I know.” Ellie’s hands tightened around the instrument.

Joel stood and looked out the window, releasing a deep sigh. He then half-turned, holding out his hand to her. “Come on, you won’t be needing that anymore,” he said, his voice rough with emotion.

Ellie stood and held out the guitar toward him, just to find his image fading away into nothing. He was gone, as though he had never been there in the first place. Which… in a way, he hadn’t been.

She stared at the space in front of her for a long moment, then she matter-of-factly leaned the guitar against the window. There was no point in putting it back in its protective case now. Joel would not be back to reclaim it or play it again. Ellie herself would never touch it or successfully play it again…

It was now resting right where Joel’s ghost had been standing, a final monument of sorts. Had she really expected his ghostly hands to reach out and take it from her? His arms had felt so real when he hugged her that one last time, though…

She turned away and walked out of the room, headed down the stairs and walked out of the front door without looking back. She walked away from what remained of Joel’s legacy, his memory, and what could have been a promising future for herself and her family in an abandoned dream home…

For the first time in her life, Ellie was truly alone. 


End file.
